Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
