Porn is love you can see.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
