i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
