oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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