And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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