so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
