I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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