that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
