you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
one two three fourrrrnication!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
