good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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