We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
