I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
