Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
