I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
