five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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