i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
