i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You are the jesus of drinking
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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