alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
