He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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