I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
