He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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