From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
