i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
