Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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