so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i just had sex bonerless
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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