Can i not drive my cunt home
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
