I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
