We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
