Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We are all done wearing pants today
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
