shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
