and you said cock pushups were impossible
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
