I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
