The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
