Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
