I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
