Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
