I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize