Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
