i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
