Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
