i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
