The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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