i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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