I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
