dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
