Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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