I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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