You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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