a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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