A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
