smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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