we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
