I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We got so high we made milksteak
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
