im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
