ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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