I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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