tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
