If i come over, it means nothing
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
