btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
