So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
