I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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