They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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