all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
