i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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