South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
