3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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