he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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