ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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