the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
not ubering you a puppy
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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