Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
