ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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