She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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