Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
