just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
