I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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