you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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