Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize