Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
