he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
