That's intense
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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