Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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