apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
