Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
